


Advanced Coping Mechanisms

by kazoobard



Category: Community
Genre: Gen, some self harm stims, this is angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27357034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazoobard/pseuds/kazoobard
Summary: Abed and Annie try to deal with Troy leaving.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	Advanced Coping Mechanisms

Abed is sitting on the floor, and he’s crying.

Annie can’t see his face, but she can hear his soft hiccups. He’s rocking back and forth, knees pulled up to his chest, palms pressed firmly against his ears. His fingers thread through his hair, twisting and pulling in a painful-looking pattern. He’s whispering through his tears, the noise muffled by his knees. “Shut up shut up shut up.”

Annie creeps closer, trying not to scare him. “Abed?”

He snaps his head up suddenly, eyes wide, looking directly at her. It send a shiver down her spine. His gaze is always intense, but there’s something new in it. Older, more tired. Somehow more wild. His eyes are puffy, and his voice is hoarse. “Go away.”

“You’re hurting yourself.”

Abed stares at her.

“You told me to stop you if you started doing that.”

Abed slowly untangles his fingers from his hair, and folds his hands in his lap. He’s still rocking.

“Can I sit down?”

Abed nods. “Not too close.”

Annie sits next to him, careful not to invade his space. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Jeff said I should talk to a doctor.”

“Oh.”

“He thinks I’m not handling this well.”

“Oh,” Annie says, “Well... I don’t think any of us are.”

“He left because I’m crazy.” Tears are falling again, even though his face is neutral. “He left because I’m crazy and obsessed and I ruined everything.”

“Abed–“

“He hates me. He hates me he hates me he fucking hates me.” Abed’s hands fly into motion again– he’s hitting himself, his fists landing shallow blows on his legs, arms, head. Annie doesn’t know what to do.

“Abed, please, stop–“

Abed is whining. It’s high pitched and loud, and Annie has dealt with the hitting, and the noise, but this is different. Troy’s not here to take the lead. Troy’s not here to help her. She doesn’t know what to do. She flies to her feet, running to his bedroom and flinging open drawers. She doesn’t know where he keeps anything, she can’t find– there it is.

She rushes back out to the living room and crouches in front of him, not touching him. “Abed, I’m going to hand you some putty, I want you to take it.”

He’s whining so loud she’s not sure if he heard her, but she nudges his hand with the ball of putty, and he eventually accepts it, closing his fingers around it. He’s holding it and hitting himself, then playing with it with one hand, then two, and he’s quieting. Annie sits down on the ground again, waiting for him to speak.

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she says. “It wasn’t any of our faults.”

Abed shakes his head. “I told him a secret. I should have kept it to myself.”

Annie looks at her lap. She thinks of those late nights Troy laid in her arms, crying and shaking because he’d realized that he wanted Abed and he couldn’t stop wanting him. She thinks of Troy whispering “I’m gay” for the first time in the privacy of her bedroom, of the way he always looked at Abed like the universe had exploded in his flapping hands, of the way he hugged her and told her thank you.

Annie shakes her head. “Whatever it is… It’s good you told him.”

The putty makes a quiet popping sound as Abed squeezes an air bubble from it. “I sleep in his room when it gets bad.”

Annie wants to look at Abed, but it feels like an invasion of privacy. Of both of their privacy.

He takes a shaky breath. “I get nightmares. In my room.”

Annie flinches, thinking of the cold sweats and shouting and visions of Troy crying out, drowning in the parking lot, alone, eaten by pavement. “Me, too.”

“Maybe we should sleep in the same room.”

Annie nods. “I would like that.”

Abed tilts his head toward the ceiling, and she’s sure that he’s looking through the ceiling, seeing into the big black sky. “He kissed me before he left.”

Annie looks up, too. She doesn’t see any sky.

“I think it was pity, or... or an apology.”

Annie shakes her head softly, still staring at the ceiling. “No. Trust me, it was... he wanted to do that for a long time.”

“His lips were soft. He was all warm.”

Annie looks at Abed, and she can’t help it. She cracks a smile. “Was it good?”

Abed smiles too, despite himself. “I’m not telling you. You monopolized the Troy Barnes crush for too long, it’s my turn.”

Annie snorts out a laugh, and she tries to suppress it, but Abed hears, and he starts to laugh too. And it feels wrong to laugh so they’re trying to stop, but they can’t, and it’s a cycle of laughing and snorting and covering mouths with hands, until they’re both laying curled up on the ground, tears in their eyes.

They’re staring upward again. Abed has that far-off look in his eyes. He’s her friend, and he’s laying right next to her. He’s her friend, and he’s what will bring Troy back. She reaches for his hand. “I love you, Abed.”

“I love you too, Annie.”

They are quiet, together.

Annie can see the sky.


End file.
